When Mom isn’t Happy…..

Of course, when Mom isn’t happy, no one is.  But in this case, when Dad isn’t happy, no one is.  Bud is the one this time, not me.  For some reason, when this man isn’t himself, it screws me all up.  I don’t know why.  For the last week he has had a sinus infection coming on.  He knew it was about to happen, but let it get to the painful part before he states, “I need a doctors appointment.”   Had I known it was happening, I could have already been prepared mentally for the way I was going to feel.  Selfish huh?  Well, it’s just that way.  When he isn’t right, I’m not right and I have to be right.  I have others depending on me right.  I can’t function properly if someone else is out of sorts.  So I worry, and feel bad for him, and feel bad for the kids.   It feels like the whole world is going to fall apart.  I know that after taking medication within a few days he will be better.  But until then, I will ride this thing out with him.

Tuesday

I was supposed to have something to do today.  Last Monday was Buds Birthday.  The kids and I bought him a belt.  I know, very romantic right?  Well, he has to be the worst person to buy for.  He wants nothing, and I mean literally.  I couldn’t come up with anything for him.  He has everything he needs and the things he wants, we can’t afford.  So we always just get him a little something and then when he gets ready, he buys what he really wants. 

Anyway, we bought him a belt.  He really needed one.   So the kids and I spent a few dollars, by that I mean, more than we should have and got him a really nice belt.  And he actually liked it.  So that was a great idea.  But it was too big.  So the next day we took it back to get a smaller size.  Didn’t have one in the size he needed.  Arggghh.  But the lady said they would have one in on Tuesday.  Again Arggghh.

So all week I had been planning on going back to a town, 25 miles away, to pick it up.  I was about ready to walk out the door this morning when something told me to call the store to see if they would have it in first.  Good thing I did that, because it wouldn’t be there until after 2 pm today.  Wheew, would have been upset had I drove all that way and spent gas we don’t have, just to come home without it, and have to go back later. 

So anyway, I had some time this morning to do my chores, and takes some photos.  On this beautiful Tuesday. 

Donuts for Dads

Next week is spring break for the kiddos.  I will enjoy their time at home.  I miss getting to spend time with them other than after school and weekends.   I do have somethings planned for next week, I just hope my pain will allow them. 

Today at school is Donuts for Dads.  Every year the school has this thing where for three days, they get to have breakfast at school with a parent and grandparents.  It’s a pretty big thing.  The kids love it.  Yesterday was Muffins for Mom, and tomorrow is Goodies for Grandparents.  You get to go to school and have breakfast with the kids.  Like I said, they love it.  Of course you can go have lunch with them anytime or breakfast if you want, but most parents and grandparents don’t.  Most work.  So alot do not.  This gives them at least one day a year to go and have breakfast and visit with the teachers and enjoy spending a little time with the kids. 

Bud went with the children today and they were so excited.  For the past few years he has gone.  It makes me happy that he does this.  It makes them happy.  So Thank you again Bud for doing this for them.  I love You.

Thank You Bud

Hope you all had a wonderful VDay yesterday.  I did.  I had a wonderful one.  Bud is the sweetest man.  I won’t say why, but just let me tell you, he is a sweetie.  Normally he has this “gruffness”, “hardness” about him.  But this week he has been especially understanding.  All week I have been feeling ”out of sorts”.  He has been really busy  as one of the guys at the shop has been sick.  Every night he has come home dog tired.  Yet he has made time to talk to me. 

Yesterday was a busy day for him as usual, but he still took time out for me.  He knows me and I know him and I know that the time he gave me yesterday meant something.  Took alot for him.  So I say thank you Bud for yesterday. 

The kids parties at school were alot of fun and a needed break from reality for me.  I had the best time with them, Nosey’s was around 10:30 am and Noisy’s was at 2:00pm.  I really enjoyed watching the kids interact with each other and visiting with the teachers.  My hat is off to the teachers of the world.  You guys rock.

Today however I am back to being me.   Time to come out of the clouds of Valentines Day and get back to reality. 

I am accident prone,  I am clumsy, and it is a “blue eyed miracle” that I have even made it to 41.  I drop things, run into things, and fall.  All my life I have had to learn to be careful when I do anything.  Ha, but still things happen. 

This morning after taking the kids to school and going to town for things for the weekend, I get home and gather up the laundry.  This is a simple task.  Nothing too risky there.  Our laundry room is outside about 10 yards from the house.  So I am walking out the door with not one, but two baskets full of clothes I hope to get done with before the end of the day, and fall. 

I fall off the concrete steps, there are two, onto our concrete carport.  Laundry flies everywhere.  I smack my head, of course I hit the left side of my ear and skull on this surface that is cold, wet and HARD.  Talk about stars, I had cluster bombs going off. 

As I was falling, in slow motion, I was thinking, “Oh shit, here comes the lightening”.  And as I hit, I could feel the crack of my noggin all the way to my feet.  Of course I just knew that I was going to have a TN moment.  But the strange thing was, I didn’t.  The only thing that hurt was my ear and head.  I cannot believe that this didn’t trigger an episode.  Of course the day is still early so I expect to have caused some damage.

Don’t suppose I could get so lucky as to have shaken my brain enough to be cured now.  Could I?? 

Ever have one of those feelings?

Yesterday, I woke up with a feeling of ……..hmm, not quite sure how to say it.  I had a feeling, not in my jaw or face.  But in my head, stomach, and I guess my mind.  I don’t know where it came from or what to call it.  I tried to describe it to Bud, and my mother, but just couldn’t decide what to call it. 

It was kinda like dread, anticipation, anxiety.  No, not really, but kind of.  Just a feeling that something wasn’t right somewhere.  With someone, me, or I don’t know who.  Could have been me.  Could have been someone I didn’t know.  It just felt horrible.  Like I was waiting on something to happen.  Maybe something good or bad I couldn’t tell.  It was just one of those days you just want to sit very still and not move.  A day when you couldn’t think right, you couldn’t make up your mind about any thing. 

I know I’m not describing this right.  It was almost like you are afraid to move or speak because you are really excited about something or really scared about something.  I have no idea which one.  I know you think maybe I am crazy or that the meds have finally pushed me over the edge.  But I am finally used to them and don’t notice any side effects at all anymore.  Unless I forget for a few days. 

I used to get these feelings alot when I was a kid.  As a grown up, I have had a few also, but not in the last couple of years and not to this extreme. 

I mean that this feeling, whatever it was, was just persistent.  No matter what I did to try to make it go away, it just wouldn’t.  And the things I tried, I kept screwing up, it seemed like.   I guess it was just a bad day.  But I don’t have that many of them.  Oh I have days when my jaw hurts like mad, but not many days where I just can’t function because of a feeling. 

It was also kinda like a feeling as if you were in school again and sitting outside of the Principal’s office.  Or like you were 7 and were waiting on your birthday party to start. 

Just not sure about it.  Every have one of those feelings??

Need A Reason To Get Up In the Morning?

This is in response to a comment I got from a dear family member.  I know we all have our little aches and pains.  Or big ones.  But we all get up and do the things we need to do.  That is just how it is.  I love you all and think of you all.  You guys are also my reasons for getting up everyday.  Thank you guys for being there for me, even if I owe you a phone call.  Loves and Sugars from Me.. 

Ok People, need a reason to get up in the morning? I’ll give you my two. Nosey, Noisy. Ok, I have more than that. The rest of my family. I have alot of people that I feel need me. Some of them I don’t talk to much, but some I do. And some of you I need to give a phone call to, Yes you GT,

I love you all.

So again, the most needy are my kids. Some days I just feel like crap. Most days I hurt. Most days I just want to take my meds and go back to sleep. But that can’t happen. I know most of you work, or go to school.  Some of you work from home.  You all know who you are.  And you all are an inspiration to me. 

I am a stay at home mom. And being a stay at home mom, you don’t get to call in sick. Ever. I would love to sometimes. But lets be honest. That isn’t going to happen.

My kids are 9 and 7. And they help out alot, but they still can’t go unsupervised. My daughter has a pretty good case of Adhd so there is no way I can call in sick.

We pretty much stick to a strict schedule. It is mandatory. I get up in the morning and take my meds the same time I am giving out her’s and Nosey’s. Nosey, he has a mild form of add. So I have to stay on my toes.

Sometimes I just wish that I could hide. I mean just crawl in the closet and close the door and just sit there. Wouldn’t be long before someone would find me though.

Anyway back to the fact that my people are what give me the reason to get up. They make my life bearable. If it weren’t for them, this pain would just probably do me in. When it is at its worst, I just feel like I could lay down and die. But with them, I keep thinking, who would take care of them like I do? Would they crawl up in the bed with them at night and read a story? Would they make sure they had bubbles at bath time? Who would put a little note in their lunch box that says “mom loves you”?? Would they let them sneak a couple of bites of candy before dinner? (Oh I know this is wrong, but, hey I love them and they are appreciative of it). And who would fix macaroni and cheese when we are having bacon and eggs for dinner?? Would they get a song sung to them about doing homework when they don’t want to do it? I can make up good songs when under pressure. And if you add in some funny faces and do a little dance along with the songs, they will tell you, you are the best mom in the world.

So it is worth the extra effort. There are all kinds of little things I do. If I were not here, would someone else actually do these silly things. Maybe, but they wouldn’t be as good as mine.

And I must add Bud in here. I love the things I do for you also. I know you could do all of the things I do for you on your own, but hey guy, I love doing them for you. I also know that some of the things I do you might not do on your own and there for you do need me. I also thank you being so kind to me. I love making you smile, and all the silly things you do make it worth getting up each day also. You have been a rock to me and the younguns. I love you too.

So I get up every morning, and do the things I was meant to do. I can’t check out and come back later. I can’t check out not come back. So there are my two reasons for getting up. Everyday. For the rest of …… hmmph….my life.

Here it comes again

Had a pretty good weekend, kids had a Christmas Program at our small church down the street.  Was a great program.  We also put up the Christmas tree yesterday.  The children always love it.  They get to play with the ornaments and look back to the years when they broke this one or that one, and fight over “how” it got broken.  But all in all it was a good weekend.

 Just one thing kept it from being a Great weekend.  Pain.  I wasn’t prepared.  It snuck up on me.  Dang, I thought the meds were working, then all of a sudden, here it comes again.  Bud insisted that because I skipped a couple that was the reason for the return.  I really don’t think so.  I think the meds are wearing off.  Or I am building up a tolerance. 

So here I am again.  A few weeks later, and starting to hurt again.  Each day it is getting a little worse.  Oh come on!  Not right before Christmas!  I haven’t even had my second MRI yet.  I have been canceled again.  Now I am supposed to go tomorrow.  I don’t want to go through this again.  I am getting scared.  What if I have to live like this forever?  Ok, well I am gearing myself up for it, I guess.  I haven’t forgotten what it feels like when it is at it’s worst.  Each little pang is getting a little stronger every time.  So of course I am trying every thing I can to not move that side of my face.  Ha! Try doing that.  It doesn’t work.  So now I am just going to have to go on and do what I need to.  And batten down the hatches.  I hope you guys are having a good day today.

Midnight Wrecker Calls

Being on call 24 hours a day for 3 different agencys really bites sometimes. Bud, who was sleeping very soundly just about 30 minutes ago, is now on the road heading out to pick up someones car that has been involved in a 10-50. MVA or a wreck for those that don’t speak radio terminalogy. My sweet man works 9 and half hours a day, still has to go to work after he gets off work. This man has my utmost respect. Not only does he drive a wrecker and tow truck for the shop his dad has, he also drives for two sheriff departments in two different counties. Weekends seem to be the busiest times, most of the time he has to go pick up a vehicle because the driver was either intoxicated, or they have things in their car or they are 10-99, which means they have a warrent out for their arrest. Sometimes they are major accidents, or they may be minor ones. You just never know. But it never fails. We can out eating dinner somewhere, or shopping or in the thros of “activity” or sleeping soundly. The pager goes off and off he goes. Really sucks sometimes, but it pays the bills. For this reason, we have 2 different “scanners” radios located strategically in the house that we listen to 24-7. The kids are used to it and I even hear Nosey say sometimes, “you may have to go to work” “been a 10-50 down the road”. I can’t complain about it because I enjoy listening also. I get to hear all the “stuff” that goes on here in our area. So now at 12:17 am on a Saturday night off he goes to load up a vehical, get dirty, go unload the vehicle and come home and try to go back to sleep. Not only is he on call for the 3 agencies, he is also a volunteer fireman for our small, sleepy little town. I always wake up with him and stay awake until he gets back. I just can’t seem to sleep without him beside me. So I will wait and listen to him on the radio sometimes and have him something cool to drink when he gets back. Gotta luv that man of mine.