Just A Thought About Mother’s Day

This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day. We all know it, we all pretty much prepare for it. Looking at card after card, trying to find the one that says how much she really means to us. We plan the day with hopes that it fills her special day with joy and she will know how cherished she is, like barbeque’s or a lunch in a nice place, or go on a picnic.  Some will only be able to make a phone call to say the things she would love to hear.  We try to find the words to let her know we are so grateful she has raised us to be the kind of people she can be proud of, or try to make up for all the things we never got quite right.  Mother’s Day is special and means a lot to her.  So many will get to spend the day talking and laughing with their mothers, others just trying to get through the day, because they couldn’t see her.

 I’m still not sure how I will spend the day, in fact this is the first time since January that I have even thought of Mother’s Day.

Five months later and I’m still having trouble with the fact that Mom is gone. Some days I feel crappy and some I’m ok. However, for the most part I go through the day numb. Sure, on the outside I laugh and carry on like I used to and try not to let anyone see that I am lost. I miss her, but talk to her daily, I like to think she can hear me. 

Your mother is the one person you are supposed to have forever. She is the one person who knows you inside and out, the one that brought you into the world, the first relationship you ever have. Nine months or so, she carried you with her everyday and went through ups and downs not being able to see you until it was time. Some mothers, didn’t carry you but were there waiting for you to show up. Others didn’t know they wanted to be mothers until later. Mothers that became so after you came into the world, months sometimes years later. It doesn’t matter when a mother becomes a mother, we all have had one at some point in our lives.

I miss my mom every single day, I feel her talking to me all the time, I dream of her, hear her words and feel her around me.  Now I understand what she felt when she lost her mom, at the time, I had no idea. There is a void and emptiness that can’t be filled. Call your mother, spend the day with her, or write a letter or text.  Somehow, let her know what she means to you. She’d love know

Merry Christmas Daddy-O

Dad

This is a hard time of year.  I always wonder what Christmas would be like if you were here now.  You always made everything fun.  Holidays were the best.  Miss your laughter, your smile.  Your goofy outlook on life.  I can’t believe you are gone still.  Mom talks about you daily and the things you used to say.  I know Troy misses you and we talk about you sometimes. 

You have some really awesome grandkids.  I know they would have brought you so much joy.  They ask about you a lot and always want to know what things were like when we were young.  Can’t help but say you were the coolest dad ever. 

Lots of people miss you.  However, I know someday we’ll get to visit again.  You show up in my dreams sometimes, but you don’t say much.  Don’t have too.  I feel your love and concern.  I talk to you all through out the day, tell you what I am thinking, and feeling, ask you how to handle things sometimes.  Yes, I do this everyday.  Maybe a few days later when I get an answer, but somehow you come through. 

I hope I’m making you proud now.  There for a while after you left, I know I didn’t.  But I got back on track.  Took a while but I’m here now.  I love you and know you loved all of us.  Merry Christmas Daddy. 

Rest In Peace Gene Bailey, see you soon

Shellie

Happy Fathers Day

This was written on Monday, the day after Fathers Day.

Happy Late Fathers Day! I tried several times yesterday to work on this post. But couldn’t as our computers are so close to each other. So I am doing it this morning. I just wanted to let you know that are my best friend, my soft place to fall. You have always been there for me when I needed someone. You have picked me up when I fell, you have dusted me off and set me right side up. I am grateful that I met you, you have shown me a world I never thought existed. You have shown me that there are still good, honest and caring people out there. I can trust you with my life and thoughts, ideas, and my children.

I know you had a hard time adjusting to life with us at first and felt guilty for your own daughter. However, I see the way you have tried, and I see the way you hurt. I see the way you feel. I understand all the circumstances and don’t think less of you for the way you tried. I know of the love that is there, and how things could have been different. Should have been different but weren’t. Not by choice. You do the best you can, with what you have to work with, and I think you have done a great job.

Although, they are not your blood, they treat as though you are. You have been the best “step dad” ever. They respect you and others. They treat you like you are someone to them, not just someone who takes care of them. They Love You. We love you. Things will get better with your daughter one day, for now just hang on be grateful for the blessings you have.

I am posting this today 6-25-10 because I haven’t finished it until now.

I know I’m not going to be with you this weekend and it makes me sad. Sad, because I’m going to miss you terribly. This will the first time in many, many years that we aren’t together at bedtime. I don’t think we have spent a night apart since 2004. I am sad because of why I am going. But you and I both will be fine. I love you more than words could ever put together. You are the other half of me. Things will be fine. I’ll call you when we stop, and call you when we get there. You can call me if you need me to walk you through the coffee making, or the animal feedings. Bud, I miss you already. But you will enjoy the quiet. Don’t forget to take your meds, and NO WOMEN!! Lol. I love you dear. I really do. Call me if you need to. Love, Me

Back To the Real World

Yep, I am back to the real world.  Have been quite busy since Friday.  Spring break for the kiddo’s was last week.  Yesterday was a bad weather day so they didn’t go back to school like the rest of the towns around here.  But today, Yea, they went back.  So, I am back to myself here.  I am having a hard time getting going on my chores.  All I seem to want to do is ….. nothing.  But I am slowing getting things going. 

As you know Easter was Sunday.  Along with Easter, comes egg hunts, Church services, Easter Clothes, ironing.  Filling eggs for the hunt”s”.  Now the Question.  What in the world do you do with all the plastic eggs that are left over from these “hunts”?? Hmm?  Well, I am not quite sure myself.  I thought about giving them back to the Churches for next year.  But they didn’t want them.  So I guess, I put them in a bag and add them to the already crowded closets.  The photo, is of only half of them.  Eggs along with all the candy that comes in them is over flowing and this year seems like more so.  Two big bags of candy looks like cavity season to me.  Oh well, it only comes once a year.  At least they got the message of what Easter is really about, but I still think the candy and eggs were the most focused on. 

Spring Break

This week is spring break for the younguns, so I probably won’t post much.  Right now they are both busy with their own things, Noisy is playing in the bedroom with her fairies and Nosey is in the living room building planes and such from legos.  I have a had the last 30 mins to myself which is amazing when they are home. 

I love it when they are home, I don’t worry about where they are, what they are doing, and if they are getting in trouble.  But sometimes you just have to sneak off for a few mins.  This is of course only the second day, but I am still glad they are home. 

We are supposed to have some pretty bad weather here this afternoon, and I feel better when they are with me in case it gets really bad.  It’s a mother thing I think. 

 When they are home, I try to get all my work done early so that I can spend sometime with them instead of passing them all of the time and saying things like, ” Yea, that looks great.”  Or, “I see”, or um, “just a minute”.  So this afternoon, we are going to sit down and watch a movie, what yet I don’t know.  But I am going to sit and relax, not do nothing, but watch a movie. 

The rest of the week is play by play, we’ll see what happens.  Nothing really planned yet, so I’ll let you know what happens..

Thank You Bud

Hope you all had a wonderful VDay yesterday.  I did.  I had a wonderful one.  Bud is the sweetest man.  I won’t say why, but just let me tell you, he is a sweetie.  Normally he has this “gruffness”, “hardness” about him.  But this week he has been especially understanding.  All week I have been feeling ”out of sorts”.  He has been really busy  as one of the guys at the shop has been sick.  Every night he has come home dog tired.  Yet he has made time to talk to me. 

Yesterday was a busy day for him as usual, but he still took time out for me.  He knows me and I know him and I know that the time he gave me yesterday meant something.  Took alot for him.  So I say thank you Bud for yesterday. 

The kids parties at school were alot of fun and a needed break from reality for me.  I had the best time with them, Nosey’s was around 10:30 am and Noisy’s was at 2:00pm.  I really enjoyed watching the kids interact with each other and visiting with the teachers.  My hat is off to the teachers of the world.  You guys rock.

Today however I am back to being me.   Time to come out of the clouds of Valentines Day and get back to reality. 

I am accident prone,  I am clumsy, and it is a “blue eyed miracle” that I have even made it to 41.  I drop things, run into things, and fall.  All my life I have had to learn to be careful when I do anything.  Ha, but still things happen. 

This morning after taking the kids to school and going to town for things for the weekend, I get home and gather up the laundry.  This is a simple task.  Nothing too risky there.  Our laundry room is outside about 10 yards from the house.  So I am walking out the door with not one, but two baskets full of clothes I hope to get done with before the end of the day, and fall. 

I fall off the concrete steps, there are two, onto our concrete carport.  Laundry flies everywhere.  I smack my head, of course I hit the left side of my ear and skull on this surface that is cold, wet and HARD.  Talk about stars, I had cluster bombs going off. 

As I was falling, in slow motion, I was thinking, “Oh shit, here comes the lightening”.  And as I hit, I could feel the crack of my noggin all the way to my feet.  Of course I just knew that I was going to have a TN moment.  But the strange thing was, I didn’t.  The only thing that hurt was my ear and head.  I cannot believe that this didn’t trigger an episode.  Of course the day is still early so I expect to have caused some damage.

Don’t suppose I could get so lucky as to have shaken my brain enough to be cured now.  Could I?? 

Big Ole VDay Tommorrow

 

Yep, Tommorrow is VDay.  I hope you all have a good Valentines Day.  I hope you get some Luv and give some Luv.   The world needs more of it. 

I haven’t been in the best of moods this week.  Still not much better today.  This is a hard time of year for me and for those of you who know me, know why.  I’ll not go into it. 

One thing that takes my mind off of things is School Parties.  Yep.  Another one.  Just like with Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am helping with the parties again.  Baking the cookies, getting the goody bags together and doing all the “fun” stuff. 

So I just wanted to say while I have a moment… Happy Valentine’s Day Guys.  Love Ya

Here it comes again

Had a pretty good weekend, kids had a Christmas Program at our small church down the street.  Was a great program.  We also put up the Christmas tree yesterday.  The children always love it.  They get to play with the ornaments and look back to the years when they broke this one or that one, and fight over “how” it got broken.  But all in all it was a good weekend.

 Just one thing kept it from being a Great weekend.  Pain.  I wasn’t prepared.  It snuck up on me.  Dang, I thought the meds were working, then all of a sudden, here it comes again.  Bud insisted that because I skipped a couple that was the reason for the return.  I really don’t think so.  I think the meds are wearing off.  Or I am building up a tolerance. 

So here I am again.  A few weeks later, and starting to hurt again.  Each day it is getting a little worse.  Oh come on!  Not right before Christmas!  I haven’t even had my second MRI yet.  I have been canceled again.  Now I am supposed to go tomorrow.  I don’t want to go through this again.  I am getting scared.  What if I have to live like this forever?  Ok, well I am gearing myself up for it, I guess.  I haven’t forgotten what it feels like when it is at it’s worst.  Each little pang is getting a little stronger every time.  So of course I am trying every thing I can to not move that side of my face.  Ha! Try doing that.  It doesn’t work.  So now I am just going to have to go on and do what I need to.  And batten down the hatches.  I hope you guys are having a good day today.

Here comes the Decorating

Well Hello, here comes the Christmas Season.  Yippie.  Can you hear the enthusiasm in my words?  Of course you can.  As you know I am not a real big fan of holidays.  When I was a kid, they were all great.  Halloween, Thanksgiving, Easter.  They all were.   Now, I see how much work goes into them.  Not that I usually have a lot to do, but there are all kinds of activities that go along with decorating.   Putting up a tree, trimming the tree, placing all kinds of decorations around. 

I don’t decorate very well.  I don’t have an eye for that sort of thing.  So it doesn’t come easy to me.  I can’t tell what looks good.  Or what goes with what.  Seems to me you just put the things you like where ever they will fit.  Since we have a small house and living room, I am limited to what goes where.  This is where I find myself being decoratively challenged.  I know I could probably ask someone who knows what goes where, but then comes the problem of having what is needed to help put this here, or there.  So I just use the things I have accumulated over the years.  And yes, it always looks like someone  blew up the Christmas decoration box. 

Having children means you have to do all that.   Plus then you have all the Christmas programs, parties and fundraisers.  Not that I am complaining about those, I enjoy them.  But it is work to get ready for them.  Then you have the shopping.  Shopping has to be the hardest part.  I can think of all kinds of things for people when it is June or September, but when December comes around, I draw a blank.   And then shopping for kids, oh my goodness.   You just never get it right. 

Some people do cooking.  I am not a good cook.  I have already thought of trying to cook some pies or cookies, or candy.  Let me say it again, I am not a good cook.  Rachel Ray would clutch her chest if she were to visit my kitchen.  And not in a good way. 

I hope you enjoy the Holidays, and I hope you enjoy decorating and the Holiday things.  I will do my best this year.   I did for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and will continue on for the rest of them..  only don’t laugh at my decorations.  Ok?  Ok.